The Boil's GOP Convention Coverage

In case you missed some or all of Sarah Palin's convention speech I have provided a transcript below. I hope you find it as powerfully moving and inspirational as I did.  

"Hello, tonight I am honored to speak at this half empty arena in St. Paul Minnesota as the Republican nominee for Vice-President. I'm glad to see so many white people and so few black people gathered here to show your support for John Mccain's Presidential Campaign.  

To those of you that question John Mccain's ability to lead this great nation I say this... John Mccain can't lift his mutant arms above his nipple line. He isn't part of the Washington arm raising, rotator cuff using elite. Barack Obama can block things being dropped squarely on the top of his head. Now that isn't change we can believe in! Maybe the reason Barack Obama keeps his arms in such functional shape is so he can raise your taxes with them! (Crowd cheers and farts.  Some people die from old age.)  

I know you have all heard my experience being questioned by the latte drinking, terrorist hugging, media liberal types... (Crowd boos; more are taken by Jesus)  Let me tell you I have PLENTY of experience! While Barack Obama was running Harvard's Law Department and doing public outreach to the disenfranchised in Chicago I was serving as a proud parent in the PTA. When I wasn't scribbling Jesus' name into science books or throwing away all the condoms on campus, I love you Bristol, I was beating baby seals to death and using their blubber to run old timey lamps! Now that is the type of forward thinking energy policy that will keep America's houses poorly lit well into next century! I was also mayor... (crowd smiles and poops) where I killed a moose and ate it. Then WHEN I WAS GOVERNOR!...  (crowd loudly cheers and loudly continues to die from old age) I killed a moose and DIDN'T eat it. So I guess you can say I'm pro-choice. (giggles) Seriously though, I think I proved that I am highly qualified to run this country or any number of Dunkin Donut locations.  

In closing I would just like to say a little something about Patriotism. GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS! I hope they all serve with the honor and courage of heroes like John Mccain and Robert E. Lee. I would also like to say a little something about Faith. GOD HATES FAGGOTS! (Crowd waves American Flags vigorously) 

Thank you St. Paul!  And Thank You America!"

"Yep, I'm in love!"