Phalco's Photo Fry-Day

Starring Phalco's Steven Sims & WHAT?!EVER blogger Kristy Benjamin with a special guest appearance by the totally awesome, totally cool Barrack Obama.

 

McCain/Palin = Bush's Third Term

"What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president? We've got a guy like that now!"  – David Letterman to John McCain after McCain cancelled an appearance on The Late Show saying he had to return to Washington to take care of the economy but was in fact discovered to be just down the street being interviewed by Katie Couric.

(Untitled Post)

We Must Act Now

...not seven years ago.

My Humps Day

Yep. It's definitely a long one. Just remember, it's all in your mind. Cheers to the weekend almost here. Happy late night My Humps Day kids and slids. Enjoy Beck telling us how it is...

Beck - It's All In Your Mind/We Live Again

Wild Pack Of Family Dogs

Fuck me. Fuck you. It's only Tuesday!?

Well the week is underway and fall, yes fall, is here.  I couldn't believe it, but there it was.  A light breeze, cool nights and a sun that says goodnight early. Soon we'll be back an hour and running around the neighborhood looking for candy. How could fall be here? And in L.A.? Things are changing.  Times are changing.  Fortune cookies are telling.  Modest Mouse is playing.

Things you should do this week:

1) Make an interesting hot dog sandwich.

2) Hug a friend.

3) Read about something fucked up on the web.

4) Make out with a stranger.

5) Make a new friend.

6) Dance.

Enjoy your week. It might be a long one.

McCain and Palin Make a Porno

And just think, a week ago we didn't even know who she was.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

...and Kevin Smith says fuck you to the all the Jersey Girl haters.

I truly hate it when I make mistakes. It's very rare that I make them. But in this situation, the situation of me saying what movie should and will be Movie of the Year, I think I've made a huge mistake. Kevin Smith has it all. A killer cast. Rocking dialogue. And a film that doesn't feature Affleck, New Jersey or Jay and Bob.

I love all of your work Mr. Smith, but this very well could be your Raging Bull. Looking forward to October 31st.

-- Steven M. Sims

Cheeto, obviously doing his thing.

Football is here and so are the queers...

The 2008 NFL season kicks off tonight and a lot of crap is being predicted.  ESPN's Gene Wojciechowsk (no this is not a made up name) predicts Phalco's own Pittsburgh Steelers to rock the ACF North -- as expected.  Other predictions include the jagoff Patriots taking another wild Super Bowl run, the Browns dumping another Quarterback and Brett Farve cheating on John Madden with sucky Philadelphia quarterback, Donovan McNabb.

The Boil's GOP Convention Coverage

In case you missed some or all of Sarah Palin's convention speech I have provided a transcript below. I hope you find it as powerfully moving and inspirational as I did.  

"Hello, tonight I am honored to speak at this half empty arena in St. Paul Minnesota as the Republican nominee for Vice-President. I'm glad to see so many white people and so few black people gathered here to show your support for John Mccain's Presidential Campaign.  

To those of you that question John Mccain's ability to lead this great nation I say this... John Mccain can't lift his mutant arms above his nipple line. He isn't part of the Washington arm raising, rotator cuff using elite. Barack Obama can block things being dropped squarely on the top of his head. Now that isn't change we can believe in! Maybe the reason Barack Obama keeps his arms in such functional shape is so he can raise your taxes with them! (Crowd cheers and farts.  Some people die from old age.)  

I know you have all heard my experience being questioned by the latte drinking, terrorist hugging, media liberal types... (Crowd boos; more are taken by Jesus)  Let me tell you I have PLENTY of experience! While Barack Obama was running Harvard's Law Department and doing public outreach to the disenfranchised in Chicago I was serving as a proud parent in the PTA. When I wasn't scribbling Jesus' name into science books or throwing away all the condoms on campus, I love you Bristol, I was beating baby seals to death and using their blubber to run old timey lamps! Now that is the type of forward thinking energy policy that will keep America's houses poorly lit well into next century! I was also mayor... (crowd smiles and poops) where I killed a moose and ate it. Then WHEN I WAS GOVERNOR!...  (crowd loudly cheers and loudly continues to die from old age) I killed a moose and DIDN'T eat it. So I guess you can say I'm pro-choice. (giggles) Seriously though, I think I proved that I am highly qualified to run this country or any number of Dunkin Donut locations.  

In closing I would just like to say a little something about Patriotism. GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS! I hope they all serve with the honor and courage of heroes like John Mccain and Robert E. Lee. I would also like to say a little something about Faith. GOD HATES FAGGOTS! (Crowd waves American Flags vigorously) 

Thank you St. Paul!  And Thank You America!"

"Yep, I'm in love!"

DUMB DUMB ALERT

Story developing...

My Humps Day (aka Negative Wednesday)

Well it's Wednesday. The first one of this new month of September. Of course I didn't even realize it was September. That happens when you live in Hell...excuse me, Los Angeles.  Yeah it's September, it's 2008 and life is a barrel of laughs. Here's something for all of you to enjoy that might help take away some of the "hump day" blues. Enjoy...

The fabulous Bill Murray in the amazing, Lost In Translation.

Republicans... Got to love em!

"Who is this guy again?"  - George W. Bush

"Yeah, I fucked her."  - Levi Johnston

"I'm so getting laid."  - John McCain