A Festivus for the rest of us!

It's Christmas!

Okay. So I made it through another weekend. The last weekend in Los Angeles for 2009 a matter a fact. What a weekend it was. What a weekend these last several have been. We've really had a great year out here on the west coast. From big moves with Phalco to the simple fact of rediscovering what it is that makes our life so special. It's weird to still be here on December 21st. But as said last week, it's fitting. A time of reflection and reminiscing of a year's past. A great year. A year that ends next Thursday in New York City with the people who have come to be my life, my family and my best friends.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone from myself and the entire Phalco crew. As always, we wouldn't of been able to do it with out you. Cheers. Beers. See you in 2010!

Fuck A Toy Truck, is it Christmas yet?

9:37am – It's Thursday. I think?

I don't know what the date is. I don't know when Christmas is. And I'm not sure why it's still 2009. It's like time has stopped here on the west coast. A year of chaos, craziness and absolute greatness has wiped my mind clean.

11:06am – Seriously. What day is it?

My one of four apple devices has just informed me that it's mid December. My work has informed me that Christmas is close, but not close enough. My social surroundings have informed me that it has been a great year and that a new one is upon us. I inform myself that the new one is going to be adventurous. Yet, I am still confused on why time is standing still.

1:23pm – Hungry.

When you think about it you begin to realize that this odd, not so real frozen moment of time is a chance to stop and reflect on what it is we have just sailed through. Changes in ways of life. Growth within our craft. Rediscovery of friends. Preparation for what is next. It's the end of a decade and a beginning to an all new era.

1:52pm – Umami Burger.

I'll continue to be confused on when I get to finally leave work and head back east. And I'll continue to be confused on why it feels like the holidays have already passed and why I'm sitting in some type of fake, nonrealistic world of reflection.

2:22pm – Last Meal!?

Oh God, could this be the moments before death? Or maybe I'm already dead. Was 2009 my last year on earth? Is Steven Sims and all his greatness gone for ever? Am I writing this awful blog post from purgatory?

2:23pm – That was a tasty burger.

Doubtful.

4:12pm – Long week.

It's just been the craziest and greatest year of my life. I'm worn out, tired and riding my final days of 2009 out in LA as long as possible. In a week I'll be on a flight back east. And in two weeks I'll be ringing in 2010 in the city that never sleeps. And in three weeks I'll be back in LA, at it again. Rocking the year of adventure.

-- Steven M. Sims

From New York With Love

Phalco's super great friend and even super greater producer, Lydia Rendon, never forgets us when she's hanging around 30 Rock in New York City. Now residing in the Big Apple the lovely Lydia sent over these photos last night. Doesn't it just want to make you run out the door and head back east for the holidays? It sure does. While my other Phalco counterparts will be holding down the fort in LA and running around the Burgh chasing pretty ladies, I'll be spending my post Christmas days in NYC with Lydia and friends, ringing in the New Year. It's going to be a great end to 2009. And an even better beginning to 2010.

30 Rockefeller Plaza

Studio 8H

A Very Merry Phalco Christmas 2009

Haul out the holly and string up the tinsel because Phalco Films presents the 3rd Annual Very Merry Phalco Christmas.

Come join us as we keep the tradition alive with cheap wine, cheaper beer and an all out holiday celebration that features nothing but straight drinking. With Phalco's fourth year in LA quickly approaching we plan to make this the best Christmas celebration since the discovery of Rudolph. So deck your halls and clear out the malls because it's Christmas time in Phalco Land.

Hope to see you there!

~~~~~

90 West Lounge

12740 Culver Blvd. Los Angeles, California

Saturday, December 19, 2009 @ 8:00pm

Mind Games by Dan Bern

A few weeks back Dan Bern asked on his Twitter page for song requests that he can record and upload to YouTube. Here's request #1, made by Dan Bern himself. It's "Mind Games" by John Lennon, but I like to call it "Bern does Lennon and kills it."

Is God a Steeler a fan?

Let's hope. Because we sure need him tonight.

Dennis Dixon - 1st String Steelers QB

Tyler Palko - 2nd String Steelers Quarterback

Smith & Tague Do Breakfast

While dining at The Griddle Cafe on Sunset, Phalco's own Jeremy Tague ran into writer/director Kevin Smith.

We can now chalk this up there with Phalco's other non-work related celebrity meetings such as Roach and Sims' Lou Ferrigno sign sale and Sims' Harvey Keitel/Quentin Tarantino 2007 sausage discussion.

Best SNL sketch in ten years...

George Bush for only $4.95 per person

He's back baby! And here to help get you motivated. "For a limited time only," says getmotivated.com which list the ticket price only $4.95 per person. What a deal!? For less than five bucks I can listen to the worst thing this country has seen since Batman & Robin AND get motivated at the same time. God bless America.

Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot!

According to Kevin Smith today marks the 15th anniversary since Clerks was released in theaters. Lucky for us Silent Bob loves shameless self promotion more than me. Happy B-Day Clerks!

Ah, the Burgh...

Another reason to love Chick-fil-A

Go Steelers!

Phalco Cam: 2009

As we await word from Producer Lydia Rendon in New York on wether our latest comedy cut is worth sending out, we thought we would take a stroll down memory lane and enjoy some 2009 Phalco Cam classics.

Phalco Cam: Vegas Baby, Vegas!

Phalco goes to Vegas and comps everything on their accountant, Brian 'Spilner' Matthews. Watch the gang live the "Vegas life style" from inside their Excalibur hotel room.

Phalco Cam: Pillow Adventure

Diz needs a a body pillow. Sims needs an extra firm pillow. And Care-Care needs pool toys. Watch as this Phalco trio spends their Saturday in search of pillows, love and life.

Phalco Cam: Steeler Nation

A Super Bowl victory for the books. Captured from Phalco's first home in LA, The 90 West Lounge.

How to start a Monday...

The Real Tracy Morgan

I just started following Tracy Morgan on Twitter. He's truly insane.

Vince, it's Matt...Damon.

In a nail biting (not at all) season 6 finale of Entourage, Vince–who hasn't had an interesting story line since season 3–continues to get harassed by actor friend Matt Damon who insist that he donates a large sum of money to one of his charities. "It's for the children!" screams Damon as him and NBA superstar LeBron James ask Vince how much he's racking in this year. The season ends with a few interesting story lines that make up for the craptacular others we had to deal with for eleven episodes. But it was this final clip of Damon leaving Vince a message, that ran after the end titles, which really saved this season from being the worse thing on television since According To Jim.

UPDATE: Matt Damon directing Adrian Grenier during a PSA shoot on the set of Entrouage. "If you don't need to be here, go to fucking lunch!"

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

It was September 30, 1982 when Sam, Diane, Carla, Cliff and Norm came into our lives as what I feel is one of the best television sitcoms of all time, Cheers.

How many nickels are in $1.35?

Glad to see you're back and doing well C-Dawg!

This shit is Moranis M-O-R-A-N-I-S

DJ Lubel is his name and he is telling us the one thing we're all thinking, "I miss Moranis."

Agreed... Ed O'Neill was lame in 'Little Giants.' For more DJ Lubel check out his newest masterpiece, 'Wrong Hole' featuring the my personal favorite, Scott Baio.

This shit is brilliant!

Because it's Sunday...

Los Angeles to Honolulu via Kayak

Google Los Angeles to Honolulu on google maps and get your kayak ready. It's going to be an adventure. (t/y Meggan)

A conversation with Phalco friend and writer, Tyson Heder, about this amazing discovery:

~

tyson: I don't get it.

tyson: You're flying to Hawaii?

tyson: Through Portland and Seattle?

sims: No way bro.

sims: Driving, then kayaking.

sims: Read the list directions. #15.

~

Monday Night is Back

Obama's in the White House. (check)

Conan is on at 11:30pm. (check)

And Tedy Bruschi is on SportsCenter? (wtf!?)

So the NFL is back and so is Tom Brady and company. I believe ESPN told me that tonight was the first game that Brady has finished in over 500-some days. Did anyone else see the end of the fourth quarter? He's back and he's out of control. He's also still a cunt and should be thankful that him and his squad of cheaters aren't coming through the Burgh this season. Although it would be nice to remind them who the six-time Super Bowl champs are. I guess we'll just have to wait until after Christmas. In the mean time, guess who else sucks? Yep, you guessed it, Phil fucking Rivers. We'll see that clown in a few weeks. Anyway, my thoughts go out to all Bills and Raiders fans tonight. Your teams both played extraordinary football and gained a temporary fan for the evening.

Pittsburgh in the windy city next week. Also my return to LA's finest Steeler Bar, 90 West Lounge. Go Steelers!

Flight of the Stern

Our dearest friend, Dylan Stern, proving to the world that he can fly at last night's Moonbounce party hosted by the lovely Sara Kordy. It was hands down the best way to end summer. And no, Dylan didn't die.

The Phalco Three

Watch out Apatow. We're coming...

Mike Roach [writer/actor]

Steven Sims [writer/director/actor]

Jeremy Tague [writer/actor]

www.phalcofilms.com

Beauty and the Beasts

When Roach and I are apart (mind you this summer being the first time in over two years) things become great. He's back east now relaxing with friends and enjoying time away from this chaos we call Los Angeles. While speaking with the Roach tonight about his time off, pending Phalco deals and fantasy football (which I fucked as my first year as commissioner) he mentioned that Phalco good friend, Rachael Kimball and Phalco great, Dylan Stern have sort of similar Facebook profile pics. I checked it out...

Rachael and her handsome man come off as a normal picture you expect to see on the old Book. Diz and his faithful companion, Randy the dog, on the other hand just look crazy. Which is something you should keep in mind in case you ever decide to break into my home and murder me. Diz and Mr. Randal there are two of my roommates and yes they are both crazy. They are also a very lovable duo who never fuss when I rub their bellies.

Creepin on ah Come Up

Phalco writer/actor Mike Roach headed back east for a few weeks to grab a breathe of fresh air and do the job he does too well, re-write all the crap we throw his way. Mike can be seen in Phalco's upcoming sketch comedy pilot, 'The Men's Room' and is currently rumored to be featured in an untitled, unannounced War flick which is being penned by Phalco scribes, Dylan Stern and Steven Sims.

Clean Shaven and Drunk

And with that, it was the summer of ' 09.

Part 01: Bringing life back to life.

I told myself in January that this year is the year to make things happen. To take leaps, be adventurous and let the past be the past. I spent the early days of '09 devoting my time to the pen, scripting ideas and organizing for the next chapter of this epic jounrey. I spent springtime creating new projects, developing new ideas and shaping what it was we said Phalco would become. In the early days of summer I took months of solitude and brainstorming and brought it to life. Phalco went into production on a brand new sketch comedy pilot (currently in post production) as well as took to the stage for our first ever live sketch show. Words on paper and ideas in my mind had become real and the things that started to take shape around me were also real. It was all quite awesome.

Part 02: An old song sings again.

When you find yourself on a solid path it can exhaust you, but exhaustion doesn't matter when you feel on top of the world. In early July I headed a few miles east where a new environment awaited me. It was time to move on and settle into Los Angeles as a 26-year old inspiring "king of Hollywood." My new home not only brought a breathe of fresh air, but new faces and a new way of life. Surronded by new friends and a fresh new atmosphere, I felt alive again. When I think back to my days in Pittsburgh and the things the drove me to come west I think of friends, old roommates, ex-lovers, friends that were friends then your enemy then your friend again. I'm doing the same thing I was doing then, but with new friends. Friends that will push me to the next level.

Part 03: The unexpected expected.

It's hard to believe how much time has went by since I left home. This journey hasn't been an easy one, but every step, every bump, every shit salad that has come my way has been worth it. So where am I at now? If I were to tell someone where I was in life after the summer of 2009 I would say at the top of my game and at the custp of something very great. The week of my 26th birthday, just a little over a month ago, an opportunity like no other had presented itself. Like many things in this town it was unexpected and for the most part completely out of left field. The infamous Phalco short from two years earlier, 'Destroying Jonah Hill', had re-surfaced itself and virtually acted as a reel, resume, headshot and agent all rolled into one. Within a week I went from a lonely writer with his eyes set on SNL to an actor in a real movie. It wasn't a Phalco short or a stage show at the iO West. It wasn't a Captain Foamy sketch or some goof ball Spike TV show. It was a feature film. And I was in it.

Part 04: The Leap.

The week before my old b-day was a crazy one. When I first found out about the feature and how the legendary 'Destroying Jonah Hill' was still making it's rounds around town I wasn't too down with any of it. Sure, I love hearing that our film was still being seen by the likes of Hollywood, but acting in a feature wasn't exactly what I had next on my "to do" list. I had been writing and producing all summer. I was on a roll. I didn't want to take time away from Phalco's latest productions to act in a movie as a character I wasn't interested in playing. And why would I want to leave work for a week and use all my vacation? Why would I want to break stride from the writing success of this year? Why would I want to shave my beard? Why, why, why? Well...because why the fuck not? It was the months of writing and production that made me think this could be a ticket somewhere. It was my friends who guided me in the right direction and believed in me when my negative mind set took over. And it was everything we've done. Where Phalco has taken things and where I took myself. So at noon on my 26th birthday I decided it was time to take a leap. I took some vacation time from my humble home at World of Wonder and in August of 2009 I acted in a feature.

Part 05: Chapter 2 continues.

The things that are beginning to follow are a story in itself. Like my mom always says, "If that was all it was, wasn't it worth it?" The answer, yes. The reality, that was not all it was. The future of Phalco and this epic journey I call my life will continue to roll along nicely. I could sit here and ramble off what we have up our sleeves, what's in the works and what to expect next, but instead I suggest sitting back, relaxing and enjoy the ride to come. I know I sure will.

Enjoy yourselves this fall. The year is still young and the universe is still expected to amaze us in many beautiful ways. Cheers my friends.

-- Steven M. Sims

Los Angeles in August

Mentor & Apprentice

Garry Shandling & Judd Apatow

The Adventures of Crazy Steven

Highly Unfortunate Product Name.

Good Times, Noodle Salad

Time To Get Funny, People

Well July is here and that only means two things. I turn 26 and Judd Apatow's 'Funny People' premieres for the world. If you recall I was a member of the old 'Funny People' team some time ago. October of '08 to be exact. Now many monthhs later I look forward to the night I get to sit and enjoy Apatow's next creation. My opinion, "feel good flick of the year." I guess we'll see...

(photo by Cara Folk)

The Mother Fucker of America

The Best One Ever!

Shitting Never Looked So Good

Well I guess I can stop using that old hanger now.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have watched this 30 times today!  And I have no intention of stopping.  

Two New Modest Mouse Songs!

Isaac Brock squeezed his brain grapes on a guitar and made 2 new songs with the brain juice!  

Click Here for a link to the songs (Satellite Skin and Guilty Cocker Spaniel) and other fun Modest Mouse stuff.  There are also links to the video for Satellite skin and a live performance from David Letterman.  

Enjoy D-Bags!

UPDATE: Look at this shit I found! Look!

Davie K Writes...

Glad to know our boy Davie K is enjoying the Lakers back east. I know how sad he gets living in a town with out a professional basketball team. Probably as sad as I get when I can't watch hockey because it comes on at 5:00pm. Fucking time zones.

I'm an Idiot

Is it okay to eat a turkey sandwich you packed for lunch at 10:00am?

Is it smart to "attempt" to jump a spiked fence?

Is it wise to be drunk for the entire month of May?

There's the obvious answer to all of these. Then there's the "I don't give a fuck" answer. The "I don't give a fuck" answer is one you usually hear from a 19 year old who really doesn't give a fuck. The obvious answer is what you usually hear from your mother or a mature adult who knows that they aren't 19 anymore. So where do I fall into this category? – None of the above.

As I sit here, eating my turkey sandwich while holding an ice pack on my upper thigh/nut region, I wonder why instead of listening to Laura Sims and doing the obvious, I listened to a 19 year old Sims, who never had a good sense of judgement. My leg fucking hurts. And as much as I want to blame it on the PBR and lack of food that day, I can't. I can only blame my dumb shit "I don't give a fuck" self. There's really no moral to this story other than, I'm an idiot.

Summer of '09 continues here in Los Angeles with a banged up left leg and a belly full of cheap beer and turkey sandwiches. Sounds just like freshman year again, only replace turkey sandwiches with cheese steaks. My guess...at this rate, I'm dead by fall.

-- Steven M. Sims

Well Said

Sunset & Vine in Hollywood

Welcome to LA Good Sir

June on the West Coast

Please don't threat my pets, we are still here. Yes, Phalco is alive and well. A lot has been thrown on our plates these last couple of weeks. We apologize for our lack of attendence, but promise that what we have cooking up is pretty, pretty sweet. Give us a minute as we short out this new time called 2009.

Things Are Happening

The summer of 2009 is upon us. And as said in the past, "things are happening." I remember listening to "Six Different Ways" by The Cure a lot back in those days. The days when things did happen. The days when new chapters were beginning. Here's a little Cure action to help us roll right into the summer of '09 and Chapter 2: The Next Chapter (love me Kenny Powers). Cheers!

Dr. Bummer from the Burgh

Dan Bern & Phalco

Dan Bern's playing the Largo again this month.  Looks to be a small, yet handsome turn out.

Confirmed Guests: Steven Sims, Jeremy Tague, Mike Roach

Maybe we can just get him to move the show to our apartment. Save us some gas.

Breaking News Swine Flu Fans!

The World Health Organization says swine flu is over with!  Not because people have stopped getting sick but because they are changing the name!

It seems swine have little to nothing to do with contracting the virus and random pig punchings are up some 30,000 percent since the illness started.  

So, I guess it's just another boring people flu.  Which sucks because you want to be able to punch whatever the flu is named after, am I right?  Only thing, you can't punch people because "People" made laws that you can't punch people.  Pretty convenient for them I would say.  I have a feeling they have been planning this people flu for quite a while.

That's why we should name it after another animal.  We are unsusceptible to animal courts of law because we don't understand their languages... THEREFORE! punching any animal for any reason is out of the realm of jurisdiction!  

I think we should rename it the koala bear flu because those things need a good beating whether they deserve it or not.  

Rest up for the beat down stuck up Koala Bear jerk!

Daily Update with Steve Sims: Wednesday in Hollywood

Hollywood Blvd. -- Wednesday, April 29, 2009 @ 4:00pm.

Okay, so where the hell is everyone? I have never seen Hollywood Boulevard this empty. Is it the swine flu? Is it the smell of piss from all the homeless? Is it the creepy Homer Simpson who is simply a fat guy in tighty whities with a Homer mask on? I don't know. But my guess, probably the last one. No one wants to see that. I don't care how much you like The Simpsons.

**Photo of the tighty whitie Hollywood Homer hopefully coming soon.

~~~~~

In other Hollywood news, Nicolas Cage still has yet to have anyone take a photo of his star on the Walk of Fame. That was until today...

~~~~~

And lastly, The Virgin Mega Store is going out of business. Yes it is. And because of it our good friend Stephen Saban was able to get the newest from Bobby D. for $22.99. What a deal! So get your butts out of the house or on a plane and over to the Virgin Mega Store on Hollywood Boulevard as they're slashing prices and practically giving shit away. Rumor has it the release of Nickelback's greatest hits was the reason for the store's closing.

The Enlightenment Welcomes Arlen!

Rock the fuck on Mr. Specter.  Rock the fuck on!

What did you do to Jesus?

Ok, so a 12 Monkeys-esque baby killing super virus has busted wide open south of the boarder. I get it. This type of thing simply happens (See the 1918 mom killing super flu). But at the same time as this super virus turns the Mexican landscape into something reminiscent of an Iron Maiden album cover they also get crushed by a gigantic ball dropping mega quake. I am a pretty rational guy so it is clear to me that this is no coincidence... someone pissed Jesus off in a major way. It is the only reasonable explanation at this time. Yeah you might be thinking about ever evolving flu strains, densely over populated urban centers, tectonic plates, and natural fault lines but come on guy. This one is on Jesus! 

The only thing I couldn't figure out is why Mexico? They are one of the most devoutly Christian nations we have on this Earth. And they aren't like those shitty, "I should go to church it's Easter" Christians. These mother fuckers own, like, multiple rosaries each. The only thing I can think is Jesus just kind of crushed them by default. He obviously wanted to destroy America because Iowa now puts gay marriage in our Corn Pops but I'm pretty sure the ghost of Ronald Reagan protects us from famine and natural disasters. 

Jesus is very smart though and knows America's weak point has always been our boarders. So he is going to infect everyone in Mexico with Swine Pox then knock their houses down so they pour into the United States and convert all our fluffy bread into the paper thin tortilla variety. Thus getting even for dude sex. 

So to stop this mess from happening it's gonna take faith people and a lot of it. The only problem is normally we would pray to Jesus to come save us. Fail! You can't pray to Jesus to save you from Jesus it just doesn't work. So we got to find someone else and it seems to me that there is only one figure with enough pure goodness of heart and mind to save us from this shit-storm. Someone that came from nothing to work their way up the ladder in the face of hardship and social injustice. Who after such a long struggle got to the forefront of our national stage to emphasize a message of hope and change. Someone who taught us sometimes you have to look past your biases and preconceptions and only then will you find the truth. America we need to round up our faith to stop this wave of fiery death from the south! We need to pray to the only one that can save us! We need to pray to Susan Boyle! That bitch can sing! 

Hey There My Shia

Pittsburgh gal, Hollywood actress/musician and Phalco's dear friend, Clare Fogerty sent this our way. In my opinion it's the best thing to hit the web since the Snood download. Check it out and look for Clare on the silver screen in the upcoming, Disturbia: Part 2.

Daily Update with Steve Sims: The swine flu is here!

President Obama said Monday that the swine flu outbreak is a "cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert," but is not a "cause for alarm." Former Vice President and super douche Dick Chenney on the other hand said that the swine flu is a "cause for concern and might require us to torture anyone reported with the illness."

~~~~~

Is swine flu the name we want to be using? Here are some additional options/ideas:

-- Hog Flu

-- Pig Flu

-- Arnold from Green Acres Flu

-- Wilbur Flu

-- Bacon Flu

-- Kevin Bacon Flu

-- Ham Hogs Flu

-- Miss Piggy Flu

-- Pigs in a Blanket Flu

-- Curly Tail Flu

-- Oinker Flu

-- Spider Pig Flu

~~~~~

In other news, American Poop writer/director and Phalco friend, Joe Kingsley was reported to be in Mexico over the weekend. No official statement has been given by Kingsley other than, "Yeah. I went to a strip club while I was there."

Joe Kingsley (photo not taken in Mexico)

Story and swine flu developing...

The Hemptress Returns

Horny in Culver City

Horny in Burbank

"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk

Sims' Summer Movie Picks

So what do we got?

Terminator. Seen it.

X-Men. Seen it.

Star Trek. Don't care.

Land of the Lost. Netflix it.

The Hangover. Awesome.

Year One. Awesome.

Transformers. Dog Shit.

Ice Age. Seen it.

Harry Potter. Seen it. End it.

Inglorious Basterds. Still can't believe someone let Tarantino make a war flick. Fantastic.

Here's my top three for the summer. Hopefully they rock our socks.

Sam Mendes' Away We Go -- June 19, 2009

Judd Apatow's Funny People -- July 31, 2009

Charlyne Yi's Paper Heart -- August 14, 2009

Nobody likes you when you're 23.

Oh the 23rd birthday...

Last night I had the privilege of kicking back and enjoying a few old favorites, a 23rd birthday and. . .well let's just call it cheese sandwiches. Actually while we're at it, let's call the people who were present the following: Caren, Cheryl, Jack, John Farpenter, Jerdy, Tim, Lisa and Don. Okay now that we have that out of the way (for obvious copyright, slander and privacy reasons) we can move on with our story. So where was I? Oh yes the 23rd birthday...

So last night was Caren's 23rd birthday. At midnight to be exact. She arrived at the party nice and early with a beautiful smile on her face. She was excited because today her and Don were heading to Disneyland for a day of friendship and fun. But before Caren could put on her Minnie Mouse ears and SPF 60 she had a night to remember. A night of cheese sandwiches.

Myself and my good friend, Farpenter arrived to the party a little after 8:30pm. Farpenter and I had already eaten like four sandwiches so we were already quite full. But that wasn't going to stop us. Jack, hard at work in the kitchen prepping the cheese sandwiches, greeted us with hugs and happiness. Caren and Cheryl sat alone in the living room. Caren in her pigtails and Cheryl ready to rack, we were all in store for a 23rd birthday/cheese sandwich attack.

While Don was still at work, Jerdy, Tim and Lisa had arrived. Jerdy allergic to cheese and frightened by bread, decided to pass on the cheese sandwich and just enjoy one of the finer things in life, Natty Light. Soon enough Don had arrived and the party had begun. We were two hours out from Caren's 23rd birthday and already deep into our sandwiches. Where will the night take us?

At 11 o'clock things began to get weird. And by 11:30pm things began to get really weird. The sound of a low battery Wii controller became a carbon monoxide leak and the plot to Backdraft all rolled into one. Our good friends, let's call them Daffodil and Sunshine, arrived with a hat that turned a low lit kitchen into a Monroeville Mall photo booth. Sunshine, off cheese sandwiches and high on life, documented the chaos which was described by Cheryl as; "I think we're in an episode of The Office." At 11:50pm we had relocated to an amazing wrap around pirate ship, I mean couch. Sunken into the couch like a couple of zombies at a Zombie Zoo, we listened as Don began to cue up the sounds that would ring in Caren's 23rd birthday.

I couldn't tell you the song that played or the "happy birthday" sounds that came from our mouths. Tim kept requesting an applause for his efforts of walking and Jerdy began to look more and more like a member of the KKK who forgot his robe and had to settle for a freshly washed wife beater. Things had become intense. As the music played, fingers snapped, and the birthday chants continued we all starred into the eyes of the birthday girl as she said her first line of 23; "This is some kind of horrible nightmare."

Happy Birthday Caren! Let's hope 23 is everything you dreamed it would be.

-- Dennis The

A Rose Between Two Thorns

More like: JT with two smoking hot bitches. Woo-woo!

Don't worry my sexy redheaded sweetheart. I to am single and ready for car crashes and love.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile

'Country Roads' Never Sounded So Good

The last two episodes of The Office were really enjoyable. Below is a link (NBC Universal doesn't like to give you embed codes) to last night's episode and if you really want to laugh your butt off (I most certainly did the three times I watched it) then check out 16:45 – 18:30. I recommend the whole episode, as well as the one prior, but if you are in a hurray and running out the door, take :45 seconds and enjoy a little Country Roads. It's a crowd pleaser.

The Office: Season 5 : Ep. 21

p.s. Paul Lieberstein steals the show.

Communists and Grenades

Davie K. writes:

I was watching an incredible movie, maybe you have heard of it, RED DAWN. It is a terrific 80's anti-communism movie, starring a young Pat Swayze, Charlie Sheen, the sister in Ferris Bueller's Day off, and the girl who plays Marty's mom in the 50's in Back to the Future. An all-star cast. A quick synopsis is: communist powers throughout the world have teamed up and infiltrated the USA, occuping a good bit of the country. Including small town Colorado where our heroic charaters live. The actors are playing high-schoolers who run to the mountains and camp out when the invasion occurs. The communists take control of the small town, begin brainwashing excercises, and the mass murder of any resisters or folks who are dangerous to their commi ways. the kids in the mountains, led by our man Swayze, use guerilla war tactics to kill the Cuban/Russian red bastards whenever they get they chance. Thy are very successful. As the movie goes on some of the kids get killed and during one fateful day the remaining kids fall prey to a viscious helicopter sneak attack. Ferris's sister is hit, fatally. Swayze is reluctant to leave her behind. She insists, not wanting to slow him down, but begs swayze to not let them capture her. Swayze leaves her with a grenade. When the pinko commi sons of bitches find ferris's sister she releases the grenade killing the closest commi along with herself.

Brilliant. But with one flaw. She didn't say anything super cool at the last second, a la your muscular governor, Arnold. No, 'This grenades for you!", or "I know you commi's love to share... how about we share this grenade!", or even "This one is for the red, white and blue baby!"

I immidiately began thinking what I would yell if I was about to blow myself and my enemy up with a surprise grenade. This is an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime. It cannot be missed. You could brag about what you said forever in heaven. You would be the coolest guy on your cloud. The best part may just be the conversation the ememies you did not kill have after you take out one of their boys with your kamakazi grenade.

"Did you hear what that guy said?"

"That guy was one crazy motherfucker."

Anyway, after deliberating for a while I turned to Justin and said, "If I was about to kill my already fatally wounded self with a grenade and take my commi enemy with me I would yell out..."

..."Ride the Wave!"

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Then I started thinking what would my friends yell out if they were in the same situation. Now, if Steve Sims, in all his glory was dieing, and knew he was a goner. The Steve Sims I know would not miss the chance to take a Russian red with him. And I definitly know that Steve Sims would not miss the chance to stick it to the commi with some great last words. So I started thinking again and I came up with a suggestion for you. Picture this scene. You're dieing. You know it. It has been a good life, you killed a lot of communists, you can't go on. You asked me for a grenade. I was hesitant, but you had that crazy look in your eye that said, "Dave, it is time for one last partay." I leave you with the grenade and get the hell out of there. You sit patiently and then you hear footsteps. Through the trees appears a tall, somewhat fat, communist yucking it up with his buddies. They come closer. You make eye contact and glean from their expressions that they are looking forward to watching your impending, painful death. They are surprised, as they saunter up to you, that you are smiling. You wait a few seconds then you pull a grenade from under your jacket. Their faces drop. And as they stand there dumbfounded, paralyzed with shock, you yell at the top of your lungs...

..."Eat Sims!"

Kaboom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will Farrell = Goofy

I was setting up my Netflix queue with some goodies such as Step Brothers when I came across this goofy pop up. I decided to throw in a classic Will Farrell photo just in case you needed a reminder of who that chap was.

  

This Is Our Year

Finally, above .500.

Let's Go Buccos

Today is our favorite day of the season...

I'm NOT Jonah Hill

I Just Found This Classic Gem Stone

Happy Birthday...

Robert Downey Jr., the late Heath Ledger, David Cross and Barry Pepper. All class acts in my book.