Thursday, April 9, 2009

Communists and Grenades



Davie K. writes:

I was watching an incredible movie, maybe you have heard of it, RED DAWN. It is a terrific 80's anti-communism movie, starring a young Pat Swayze, Charlie Sheen, the sister in Ferris Bueller's Day off, and the girl who plays Marty's mom in the 50's in Back to the Future. An all-star cast. A quick synopsis is: communist powers throughout the world have teamed up and infiltrated the USA, occuping a good bit of the country. Including small town Colorado where our heroic charaters live. The actors are playing high-schoolers who run to the mountains and camp out when the invasion occurs. The communists take control of the small town, begin brainwashing excercises, and the mass murder of any resisters or folks who are dangerous to their commi ways. the kids in the mountains, led by our man Swayze, use guerilla war tactics to kill the Cuban/Russian red bastards whenever they get they chance. Thy are very successful. As the movie goes on some of the kids get killed and during one fateful day the remaining kids fall prey to a viscious helicopter sneak attack. Ferris's sister is hit, fatally. Swayze is reluctant to leave her behind. She insists, not wanting to slow him down, but begs swayze to not let them capture her. Swayze leaves her with a grenade. When the pinko commi sons of bitches find ferris's sister she releases the grenade killing the closest commi along with herself.

Brilliant. But with one flaw. She didn't say anything super cool at the last second, a la your muscular governor, Arnold. No, 'This grenades for you!", or "I know you commi's love to share... how about we share this grenade!", or even "This one is for the red, white and blue baby!"

I immidiately began thinking what I would yell if I was about to blow myself and my enemy up with a surprise grenade. This is an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime. It cannot be missed. You could brag about what you said forever in heaven. You would be the coolest guy on your cloud. The best part may just be the conversation the ememies you did not kill have after you take out one of their boys with your kamakazi grenade.

"Did you hear what that guy said?"

"That guy was one crazy motherfucker."

Anyway, after deliberating for a while I turned to Justin and said, "If I was about to kill my already fatally wounded self with a grenade and take my commi enemy with me I would yell out..."

..."Ride the Wave!"

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Then I started thinking what would my friends yell out if they were in the same situation. Now, if Steve Sims, in all his glory was dieing, and knew he was a goner. The Steve Sims I know would not miss the chance to take a Russian red with him. And I definitly know that Steve Sims would not miss the chance to stick it to the commi with some great last words. So I started thinking again and I came up with a suggestion for you. Picture this scene. You're dieing. You know it. It has been a good life, you killed a lot of communists, you can't go on. You asked me for a grenade. I was hesitant, but you had that crazy look in your eye that said, "Dave, it is time for one last partay." I leave you with the grenade and get the hell out of there. You sit patiently and then you hear footsteps. Through the trees appears a tall, somewhat fat, communist yucking it up with his buddies. They come closer. You make eye contact and glean from their expressions that they are looking forward to watching your impending, painful death. They are surprised, as they saunter up to you, that you are smiling. You wait a few seconds then you pull a grenade from under your jacket. Their faces drop. And as they stand there dumbfounded, paralyzed with shock, you yell at the top of your lungs...

..."Eat Sims!"

Kaboom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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