Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Phalco '10

If it wasn't for Phalco's dear friend Stephen Saban I sometimes wonder if people would even know my name. For three years now I have had the ability to resemble Superbad star, Jonah Hill. And for three years now I have had the wonderful voice of Stephen Saban telling the world of my interesting adventures with Hill. From Phalco's early LA days of Destroying Jonah Hill, to being fired from Funny People, to last summer's filming of The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It, the adventures of Jonah and I have kept my first three years in LA pretty exciting.


As Stephen Saban announces to the world that my "Jonah Hill" days are now behind me I would like to announce to you – the super awesome fans of Phalco Films – that a new Phalco era is upon us. In the year 2010 we plan to make it rain. And we're not talking about cats and dogs. For four years we have been at it and have loved every minute of it. We have such great support and want to thank all of you for that. Stay tuned, because 2010 is going to be a good one. Phalco is back, which only means one thing...lock up your daughters.

Coming soon from the boys of Phalco Films...

The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It starring Bryan Callen, Noureen DeWulf and Phalco's own, Steven Sims drops June 6th on DVD. The original motion picture soundtrack, featuring "Morning Wood" by J Chris Newberg is now available on Amazon.com.



Phalco's long awaited 2009 sketch comedy show, The Men's Room – starring Jeremy Tague, Frederick Frazier, Clare Fogerty, Alison Trumbull, Frederick Dechow, Kim Burns, Ketryn Porter, Mike Roach and Steven Sims – will finally be available for your viewing pleasure.


The DN Film Network's 48-Film Fest Premiere featuring Phalco actors Mike Roach (in a Film Noir short), Steven Sims (in a Sci-Fi/Horror short) and Jeremy Tague (in an Action/Comedy short) hits LA later this year.

Kevin's House 2 is on the books and coming your way soon. After numerous amounts of emails, demands, and requests for a sequel to the Phalco fav, Kevin's House, Jeremy Tague has promised to finally make it happen.

A new friend of Phalco's, Ivan Ehlers, is in production with his new feature length film, Guns Don't Kill People, which features Steven Sims in the role of Dirty Dan. Shooting began earlier this month.

And it doesn't stop there as production and development meetings have already begun with... a possible Dylan Stern/Alison Trumbull penned script featuring Mike Roach as a fisherman, a brand new Phalco live sketch show, a possible music video and a brand new film by the guy who used to look like Jonah Hill.

Thanks for all the love folks. We look forward to all your support in 2010.

xo,
Sims and studs of Phalco Films


Phalco Films... 2010... A new era of awesomeness...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It must be some kind of... 'Hot Tub Time Machine.'

Tonight my Phalco counterpart, Sir Captain Foamy, and I had exclusive screening passes to MGM's new and only flick of this year, Hot Tub Time Machine. Was it good? – It was great. Get off your butts this weekend, stop wasting money on Tim Burton repeats and James Cameron's craptastic 3D adventure, and go see something that really cooks. You don't need Johnny Depp in weird makeup and Academy Award losers anymore. You have a Hot Tub Time Machine. The only thing that really matters this month. As well as health care. And your March Madness bracket.

Hot Tub Time Machine - Opening this Friday!! See it. Damn the man. Save MGM.


(Thanks to Samara for the screening passes. Best PR gal in town!)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Sims vs. Pneumonia

So as you might of heard I had a little mishap and found myself in the hospital just over a week ago. I imagine a lot of you – and by you, I mean family, friends, fans, hot chicks, etc. – have been pretty curious on what exactly happened to me. Well it's simple... I was in a high speed police chase which ended in the LAPD gunning me down with five bullets to the chest.

No, that's not true. Although it would be a much more exciting story to tell.

So what really happened? Well it's simple... I got Pneumonia. See about four weeks ago I woke up with a pain in my shoulder. The pain, within a few days, quickly moved to the left part of my chest. At first I thought it was a bad case of heart burn. But after a brief visit with my doctor I found out that it wasn't. He believed that due to a recent heavy cough that I had pulled a muscle. He prescribed some standard cough medicine and said that within a week or two the pain should go away. Two weeks and a killed cough later I found that this odd, heart burn type pain was not going away. It seemed to come and go. One day I would feel it. One day I wouldn't. I started to think that maybe it was a cause of stress until the evening of Tuesday, February 16th.

That night, on my way home from work, I began to feel the pains much stronger than before. I knew something wasn't right and that the next day I would have to return to my doctor to see what was up. When I awoke the next morning I found that not only had the pains gotten worse but that simple breathing had become much more difficult. Coughing hurt, talking was next to impossible and walking to my car seemed like I was running a 500 mile marathon. Now, I know I'm a little on the "heavy" side, but never in my life had I had breathing troubles like this.

As soon as I arrived at my doctor he and I both realized that what I was dealing with was a little more than a pulled muscle – Doctor Fail #1. An x-ray showed that my left lung was completely filled with fluid and needed to be immediately drained. The doctor suggested that I go home, rest and that the hospital would be in contact with me in the next two days about having my lung drained. Sadly for me, I couldn't wait two days – Doctor Fail #2. As soon as I left the doctors office I immediately drove myself to the ER. It didn't take long for the nurses to realize the pain that I was in and as quick as they could they had me in a hospital bed ready to be drained.

Now I'll save you all the details of giant needles, a crazy morphine IV and a cute ER nurse named Farrah and just skip to the result... The draining of the lung didn't work – Doctor Fail #3. As I laid there in the ER, sore from an attempted lung draining and chest that practically seemed to stop working, I found out that a quick hospital visit and a few days out of commission would now be turning into a lengthy hospital stay and several days out of commission. I was informed that my lung had practically collapsed and that the next day I would be going in for chest surgery. And with that began my six days at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

The surgery resulted in me having two tubes come out of my left side which helped drain the numerous amounts of fluid in my lung. While this continued for several days a team of top notch doctors, that know the difference between a pulled a muscle and a collapsed lung, began to run tests that found that an infection had made it's way into my left lung several weeks earlier (remember the sore shoulder?) and caused for a serious case of Pneumonia. I spent a total of six days in the hospital – one in the ER, one in surgery, three with tubes attached to me and one to figure out what specific antibiotic was needed to help kill this bitch of an infection.

On Monday, February 22nd I was released from the hospital and sent home to spend the next week to recover, inject myself with antibiotics and attempt to sleep while having a left side filled with stitches. From the crazy meds to a day nurse I felt as if I went from twenty-six to eighty-six overnight. How did I end up in this ridiculous situation? How did I go from what I thought was heart burn from chili cheese fries to chest surgery and enough antibiotics to kill a small horse? It was all pretty shitty. But now, a week after my hospital release and almost two weeks after breathing seemed practically impossible, I am able to look back and be thankful. Sure, I'm still out of work and still pumping myself daily with antibiotics, but at least I'm starting to feel like my old self again.

I look forward to returning to my old song and dance and feeling alive again. But I also look forward to a new journey ahead. A journey of clean health, a fresh mind and new outlook on life. Being in that hospital for days made me realize that no matter what nothing in life is more important than the people who surround us. Our friends, our families, our relatives near and far. No matter what gets thrown down our bowling lane of life we all have people who love us. People who care and people who will do anything for us at anytime. I can't say thank you enough to everyone from my roommates, to my friends, to my cousins, to my aunts, to my uncles, to my grandparents, to my sister, to my co-workers, to family's friends, to my parents for all the love and support that has come my way these last two weeks. I'm one lucky son of a bitch to be alive. But I'm one luckier son of a bitch to have the people I have in my life.

So that's my story. Sadly, it's still not quite over. But soon it will be. Thanks again to everyone for all the love and support. I look forward to seeing everyone soon.

-- Steven M. Sims

First night out of the hospital – February 22, 2010

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Brakes on the Reg

So like a year/year and a half ago I take my nasty shitty piece of donkey shit car to a local auto body. Although I neglect most things of minor inconvenience and have a major disdain for consuming and human interaction I find that I do try to adhere to regular oil changes. The auto man asks if I would like them to do a courtesy inspection on my car along with the oil change and with this sounding particularly pleasant I agree. By all accounts it was a courtesy at the very least, how could I refuse? Also, with any number of engine lights illuminating my dashboard at any one moment I thought that this inspection may be beneficial.

An hour or so later the auto man calls me direct on my cell phone and relays the finding of his courtesy investigation. The following onslaught of words was enough to make even the most constipated man shit and shit hard. Apparently every functioning, or should I say malfunctioning, part of my car was in dire need of being fixed or replaced. What concerned the auto man above all else was the shoddy condition of my braking system. He tried to be as clear as possible as to how dangerous and irresponsible it would be to not get this condition fixed immediately. But with a total bill of just over eight hundred dollars for necessary repairs I clarified that yes I can use the word fuck as a verb and a noun in the same sentence. Needless to say this courtesy inspection quickly turned into a minor inconvenience and like most things in this vain I decided to neglect any of the suggested maintenance much to the auto mans dismay.

Flash forward to yesterday.

I, once again, find myself sticking to my semi-rigid oil changing compulsion and drop my car off at another local auto body. By this point most of the original auto man’s fears have been largely justified. The fact that my car stopped at all was largely by chance, or by God’s will, but certainly neither I nor the brakes contributed anything to these miracle retardments in motion. So I asked the attendant to take a look at the braking system again as I fully comprehend that there is a problem that should be remedied.

An hour or so later the auto man calls me in disbelief about the condition of my vehicles stopping mechanism. So, I’m like hit me with it bro. And he is like four hundred fifty. And I go, “wooh, wooh, wooh, slow down egghead I don’t want to pay that much.” And he says, “let me talk to the dude and I will get back to you.” So I wait around for a few minutes thinking of creative ways to use the f-word completely ready to neglect this thing for another year or longer when he calls back. So now he says, “Ok, we will knock a hundred dollars off.” Then I say, “Wooh, wooh, wooh egghead. Ok.”

NEW BRAKES!

-- Jeremy Tague

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Flashback February #2

Jeremy Tague's Catfish Hunger
(November 2007)


Phalco legend and musical genius Jeremy Tague arrived in Los Angeles in early 2008. This was how told us he was coming.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Flashback February #1

Jesús and the Alligators
(July 2006 – November 2006)

High in the hill tops of western Pennsylvania Jesús and the Alligators was born. Made up of Pittsburgh natives – Ian "Perdy Mouth" Karell, Dave "Conrad Rickett" Kasnevich, Justin "Slim" Ramsey and Steven "Bongo" Sims – they would wield weapons of mighty, musical prowess: guitars, drums, and a voice. And their ammunition: a dance-floor destroying blend of Hellbilly Honk, Reckless Rock, and Black Hearted Blues.

Friday, January 15, 2010

2010, the year of great Phalco comments.

It's fun to see a random email or YouTube comment come through from projects of the past. We rarely follow up on old projects and websites but every now and then I'll look down at my phone and see an email that features a comment on something we've done. Since the debut of The 40 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It trailer the comments have been rolling in. Here's two gems we received earlier this week. My opinion, the best fucking comments we've ever gotten. Enjoy...

"One of the few rules I've lived my life by: Never listen to a guy with a goatee like the douche in this trailer. That rule has never let me down." –YouTube comment on Destroying Jonah Hill - Trailer 1 (2008)

"Tell me where can I order that maid from Spacebook who will eat my p*ssy and then clean my house." –Email comment on Phalco Sketch Comedy Stage Show (2009)

Kimmel 4 COCO

I'm proud to say that I work on the same street as Mr. Kimmel. Even prouder to say that myself and Roach had a chance to hang out in his green room once upon a time. Either way, well done my friend. It's nice to see the biggest piece of shit in late night get slammed on his own show. Now if NBC would just let Letterman through the gates to have a sit down with the "BIG JAW" life would be perfect.

Fuck Leno. I'm with COCO.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Talkin' Playoff Blues

Cincy sucks – good thing they're great at flopping in the playoffs.

New England can die – nothing better than seeing Brady go home in tears.

Baltimore is a rubbish pile – can't wait to watch them lose.

Every other team – don't care, don't care, don't care.

Steelers are still better than the Browns. Why? Because Cleveland sucks. See you in the fall bitches.


A man goes to the Pittsburgh Steelers ticket office and inquires about purchasing play-off tickets. The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Steelers did not make it to the play-offs.

The following day the same man goes to the Pittsburgh Steelers ticket office and inquires about purchasing Steelers play-off tickets. The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Steelers did not make it to the play-offs.

This goes on for an entire week. The man goes to the Steelers ticket office inquiring about play-off tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Steelers did not make it to the play-offs.

Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller about Steelers play-off tickets.
Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice says, "I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE STEELERS DID NOT MAKE THE PLAY-OFFS!"

"I know," the man replied, "I drive all the way from Cleveland just to hear you say that!"